"Stadium Seating Funeral"

or "That's Why You Never Give a Gun to a Dog"

Ok, so I had this dream last night...

I was going to a funeral. I wasn't sure if I knew the guy, but there was only like 6 people in there so I felt sorry for him and thought I'd go in. Plus, the funeral parlor had stadium seating and I was drawn in my by the novelty of that. Would it really be that much better?



The seating was like those giant carpetted stairs at some sight-seeing theaters or highschool library media rooms. In other words, it was a classy joint.

After a couple of young girls, looking like they fulfilled a dare, viewed the body, I decided to go up. There was music playing. I can't remember what it was, maybe something by "Chicago." The body was casually dressed and looked a big like John Travolta.

Another novelty this funeral home had was they somehow wired the bodies up to move. Not a lot of movement, but an occasional position change somewhat synced to the music. Not exactly Bigmouth Billy Bass, but some movement.

To me, it was creepy, but sometimes new things are a turnoff at first. Think: leg warmers and calculator watches - now we can't live without them!

Another bonus to this parlor was one wall was lined with shelves of liquor for sale. Their thought was, most people have a gathering after the event so why not make it easier on them. A one-stop shop, if you will.

Somehow, as only dreams do, the front of the parlor turned into a checkout counter furthering the liquor sale motif. A slouchily dressed guy was sitting on the counter talking to everyone; I think we were waiting for more people.

He started telling us about a hilarious video he saw online about a guy and a dog. Somehow he was then able to show it to us all (dreams!).

So the video starts and there's a guy trying to load a shotgun with one hand and an old, beat up hound dog taking a dump on a dead horse. The guy loads the shotgun, but it goes off and some of the buckshot sprays up off the ground and grazes the dog.

I can't remember if the poop flies out or goes back up, but he gets off the horse and starts to run. The guy starts to run too. They're both chasing something they want to shoot. I think the guy, still using one arm, shots again and I think he and the dog both somehow get hit with some. It's a bit funny somehow. It's gruesome, but only because even in my dream it should be though nothing really noticeable happens when they are shot. It's more of a feeling.

Anyway, they keep running. Whoever is working the camera for this video is amazing, by the way. The framing is perfect. So then they run off chasing whatever it is and shooting and then a pack of dogs comes into the shot also chasing either the same thing or the guy and dog. Either way, there's one kind of leader dog in the pack and he has a shotgun too.

Since it's hard to run, as a dog, with a shotgun, he tends to shot at the wrong time and in the wrong directions. Other dogs are being taken out left and right. It just seems everyone is getting shot and it's just not working out at all.

One of the people watching the video with me made the sobering comment "That's why you never give a gun to a dog." We all agreed.